#LifeStory

Sometimes we think our life is miserable, I mean, it might be for us but others might think we just like to make it that way. There are people starving, without family, people who have nothing and I guess that those people feel devasted but try to live, they fight everyday of their life's to survive. But if we think about it, isn't that what every single person does ? Does't everyone have problems and suffer in their own way ?

I question myself a lot of times if we really can be happy. Happiness happens but it never lasts, there are always something that cuts that happiness. So why do people always say that all they want is to be Happy ? I get it and I don't get it at the same time! 

I'm not one of those people who starves or doesn't have a family. In fact, someone that doesn't know me, would think I have a great life and I should be smiling and be greatful for it. Isn't that the way every person thinks when they have no idea about your Life even though they think they know it all ? But then again, why should be care about what others say ? We should olny care about those who Love us and even then, do they really just want the best for us ? It all started when I was nine years old and was about to move to my home country which ended up being everything but my home country. 

Do you know the feeling when you think everything is going to be okay but then everythings ends up exactly the opposite ? Well, I thought I was moving for the best, even though my father was going to stay there, my mother and my brother were moving as well. 28th of May 2002, the day my life changed. We were all at my aunty's and we were saying goodbye since I had no idea when I would see my dad again. Suddenly I enter my cousine's room and my parents looked so serious... As a child, innocent, I asked what  what had happen.

I was born when my mom was 26, it had been my dad's second marriage and his 3th child; before me he had already had 2 children, a girl and a boy. My dad moved a lot, mostly to try to give us a better life but because of that, he didn't get to see my brither/sister a lot so he just saw them once a year and sometimes not even that. I can't say I was very close to them or that I knew them, I mean, I would just see them once a year and sometimes not even that but one thing I was sure about. They were  part of my family and even though I might not have known what love was, I loved them, I loved them because they were family! Do you know the feeling when you go back to a place and all you want to do is see the ones you missed the most ? Yeah well, every summer I asked my dad if we could go see them; I missed them ! The last summer we spent together  as a family, I asked my dad if we could go visit them. His answer was "we'll go next year".

My mom was the one telling me what happened. I can still hear her saying it, "Your aunty just called...your sister had an accident." she didn't have to say anything else. Her words reached my heart like an arrow and more tears fell from my eyes. I might have been just nine but I felt it all, I knew exaclty that I would never see my sister again. 

How do we know if there's Tomorrow ? We don't ! Remeber what my dad answered me when I asked if we could go visit my sister/brother that summer ? Well, there was no next year anymore. My sister was gone and I didn't have the chance to see, talk to her one last time. Not because i didn't want to but because my dad thought we could do it another time. I don't blame him, I understand why but reminding it makes me sad.

After this I went through a lot in my life which changed who I was and made me who I am today. I could write everything that makes me sad, everything horrible I had to live but I won't. I will never forget my past and I don't want to because I am who I am because of it but i don't want to bring it back, bringing it back would devastate me. 

Now I want to focus on my present and on the people I love.

#FJ